A caller reported hearing loud acoustic guitar music with off-key, sarcastic lyrics from the brownstone next door.

A caller reported hearing loud acoustic guitar music with off-key, sarcastic lyrics from the brownstone next door. Dispatch sent two officers who were accomplished Thursday night open mic musicians and they reported a domestic dispute but did not see the need to request backup singers at the time. The officers convinced the couple to sing a few duets a cappella, and they appeared to fall back into love. The officers then advised the couple to get new strings and to practice every day or they would never make it as a folk duo, or have a successful and happy relationship.

Welcome to the new Lonely Planet Guide™ to an Insurrection! We hope you’ll find in these pages valuable tips for your journey to the fascinating and colorful land of an insurrection. This edition contains new, updated information provided by other travelers. You’ll find information on getting a visa and clearing customs, finding food and keeping healthy, and about all the things to see and do. You don’t need to be a seasoned traveler to visit an insurrection, but it can certainly help your chances of not being imprisoned, or simply surviving. …

Breath in the peace and breath out the hostility and the hunger for conflict that has consumed you! Breath in the clear air and expel that rancid basement man cave air!

Welcome to Yoga for Right Wing Militias! My name is Angela, and I’m so glad you signed up for my class! I just know you are here to learn how the ancient practice of yoga can help you integrate your mind and body with your favorite techniques of street combat, weapons handling and vague rants about political ideals.

We all know it’s exhausting to be on your feet all…

We can get you back on top as the purveyor of one of the most influential conspiracy theories in the world!

Dear Mr. Q,

Thank you for your email regarding our services at Pivot Your Life Personal Image Consulting. Our team is well known for creating personal and professional images that take our clients to the next level in both confidence and success!

Your email was a bit cryptic, but you do mention that you feel your image, as Q, the thought leader of the QAnon conspiracy theory, has recently suffered a crisis of credibility due to current political events, namely the failed reelection bid of Donald Trump. No worries! We look forward to creating a personally tailored strategic action plan…

We like to keep everything at a distance, like other people, our feelings, and places that have too many tall buildings.

Well pardner, out here on the wide, western prairie, I’ve been hearing the news about how important social distancing is. These are hard times, and due to get harder, and I’m just an old cowboy trailing my cattle into this pretty-as-a-postcard sunset. But tell you what. If you step out of that little foreign car you’re driving, and put a mask on, I’ll get down from my horse so we’re eye to eye and let you in on some secrets.

You see, respectful social distance is born and bred into every cowboy. We like to keep everything at a distance…

Mark Ratledge

A writer in Montana

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