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Mark Ratledge
Mark Ratledge

20 Followers

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Apr 22, 2022

Call Me Maybe

Chasing the Great White Earworm Call me Maybe. Some years ago — never mind how long precisely — having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me other than the music on my phone, I thought I would walk about a little and start humming…

Parody

4 min read

Call Me Maybe
Call Me Maybe
Parody

4 min read


Apr 7, 2022

The Four Ubers of the Apocalypse

And I opened the App and requested a ride uptown, and soon I beheld a driver with a long white beard, and when I entered the back seat he said unto me, “You have opened the first of the Seven Seals, and I am Conqueror and we shall go forth conquering the world.” Check out the rest of the piece at Points in Case: The Four Ubers of the Apocalypse.

Parody

1 min read

The Four Ubers of the Apocalypse
The Four Ubers of the Apocalypse
Parody

1 min read


Sep 17, 2021

Freudian Police Blotter

A caller told dispatch they had been reading Freud’s “Introduction to Psychoanalysis” and had gone to the kitchen to get some water and had slipped and fallen. Dispatch said they were sure caller had experienced only a Freudian slip and offered a referral to a therapist and a gift card…

Humor

4 min read

Freudian Police Blotter
Freudian Police Blotter
Humor

4 min read


Aug 14, 2021

Bird Reviews of your Lawn Sprinkler

I just have to say that your sprinkler must have been engineered by us Robins, because the water volume and distribution is very efficient. But what’s best is the day after a good watering: the earthworm buffet! For the best results, water for eight hours or so, and then keep…

Humor

4 min read

Bird Reviews of your Lawn Sprinkler
Bird Reviews of your Lawn Sprinkler
Humor

4 min read


Jul 30, 2021

Here is Your Free Right-Wing Militia Remarketing Analysis!

Dear Right-wing Militia Leader, Thank you for your email regarding our services at Get A Life Remarketing Consultants! Here is your free, no obligation remarketing analysis of what we can do to increase the success of your right-wing militia group. …

Militia

4 min read

Here is Your Free Right-Wing Militia Remarketing Analysis!
Here is Your Free Right-Wing Militia Remarketing Analysis!
Militia

4 min read


Jul 23, 2021

God Calls About Your Extended Car Warranty

Hello, this is God! I’ve been trying to reach you concerning your car’s extended warranty. You should have received my postcard in the mail, but since I didn’t hear from you, I decided to give you a final courtesy call before I close your file. …

Humor

7 min read

God Calls About Your Extended Car Warranty
God Calls About Your Extended Car Warranty
Humor

7 min read


Jul 17, 2021

Terms of Service for Your New Lawn Sprinkler

Congratulations on purchasing your 100% Brass High Quality Lawn Sprinkler manufactured to the highest quality control standards! Your new sprinkler will provide many years of enjoyment. Please read and agree to these Terms of Service. You agree to attach sprinkler to only high quality 100% rubber hose which has 99.9%…

Humor

4 min read

Terms of Service for Your New Lawn Sprinkler
Terms of Service for Your New Lawn Sprinkler
Humor

4 min read


Jul 10, 2021

Henry David Thoreau at Starbucks

I went to my local Starbucks because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of a life made up of sugar and caffeine, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach about those fancy designs the baristas put on the surface of…

Humor

4 min read

Henry David Thoreau at Starbucks
Henry David Thoreau at Starbucks
Humor

4 min read


Published in

Slackjaw

·May 8, 2021

Folk Music Police Blotter

A caller reported hearing loud acoustic guitar music with off-key, sarcastic lyrics from the brownstone next door. — A caller reported hearing loud acoustic guitar music with off-key, sarcastic lyrics from the brownstone next door. Dispatch sent two officers who were accomplished Thursday night open mic musicians and they reported a domestic dispute but did not see the need to request backup singers at the time. The officers…

Folk

4 min read

Folk Music Police Blotter
Folk Music Police Blotter
Folk

4 min read


Apr 29, 2021

The Lonely Planet Guide™ to an Insurrection

Welcome to the new Lonely Planet Guide™ to an Insurrection! We hope you’ll find in these pages valuable tips for your journey to the fascinating and colorful land of an insurrection. This edition contains new, updated information provided by other travelers. You’ll find information on getting a visa and clearing…

Humor

6 min read

The Lonely Planet Guide™ to an Insurrection
The Lonely Planet Guide™ to an Insurrection
Humor

6 min read

Mark Ratledge

Mark Ratledge

20 Followers

A writer in Montana

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